After Michael died I found myself having an irrational fear of driving. Mike died in his sleep. It made no sense to me, but I would get on the highway to drive anywhere and my palms would sweat and My heart would race. I found myself scared of dying in a car accident. It was terrifying. I found I couldn’t concentrate on simple tasks. I would be in conversations with people and have no clue 5 minutes later what we talked about. I wanted to clean the house, do the laundry, and yard work, but I just couldn’t. I found myself doing nothing. At the end of a day I would look back at the day and wonder why nothing got accomplished.
I thought I was going crazy. The thing is I am not going crazy. I am grieving and grieving is hard work.
There are days you will accomplish everything on your to do list. And there are days you will feel like you accomplished nothing. Life is like that. Give yourself some grace and some space to just grieve. Know that you aren’t going crazy that you are grieving.
You might not be able to do everything you did prior to your child’s death. Keep cleaning wipes handy in your bathroom to do a quick wipe down when you don’t have the energy to do a full scrub. Keep them handy in the kitchen to wipe down counter tops. Use your crockpot to throw in some simple meals that can cook on their own. Get a meal planning service to deliver meals and groceries to your home that you don’t have to think much to fix a nutritious meal. If you can do it hire someone to mow the yard and do some of the tasks you just don’t have the energy to do.
Grief is hard, and grief is work. Give yourself the grace and space to grieve.