This post might be a bit controversial. And that is perfectly fine. It’s a tough one for me to write. I think it should be included in all those what not to say to grieving parents articles that I’ve read. But no one ever has said it before that I have found.
Right after Mike died when I went back to work some of my co workers were talking to me about Mike and the comment was made that I would see him again one day in Heaven. Another coworker said “Everyone wants to think they will see their loved ones again in Heaven. Yet we all know that it doesn’t work that way. Not everyone will make it in to Heaven”. That day totally wrecked my relationship with that coworker. I am still cordial to him and say hello, but I can’t get past that statement. I don’t share with him or have the same respect. To even make that kind of a statement to a grieving parent is not kind or helpful at all. The bottom line is as our Mother’s taught us if you can’t say anything nice don’t say anything at all. And perhaps he meant nothing by it. But if the is the case his timing was way off. He never met my son, had no clue what he was like past what I shared at work. To me it sounded as if he was judging my child and making the assumption he wasn’t in Heaven.
I have heard from well meaning christian friends “Did Mike know Jesus Christ as his personal Lord and Savior?’ I am pretty certain there are many parents out there who won’t find that question comforting. They are left with no idea how to respond. Perhaps they are christians who really truly don’t know the status of their child’s salvation. Perhaps they are parents with a different belief set. If they aren’t sure what their child believed this will not make them feel better at all. It only leaves them with doubt, confusion, and more questions.
Life is hard enough after your child dies to then have to worry and wonder where you child is spending eternity. Please choose your words carefully when you are talking to grieving parents.